4 Things Every Woman Needs For Her Emotional Wellbeing

We all know that woman are powerful, confident and capable individuals. But sometimes we need a little reminder of just how great we are. It seems like everywhere we turn there's another thing to feel guilty about or criticize ourselves for. No wonder our emotional wellbeing can suffer. Not to mention the pressure to be successful in our professional lives, maintain a perfect home and family life, and look impossibly gorgeous all the time. It's easy to get caught up in the chaos and forget to take care of ourselves emotionally. But if we don't put ourselves first sometimes, we can end up feeling overwhelmed, drained and totally disconnected from ourselves.

The good news is there are so many things we can do to nurture our emotional wellbeing so we can feel more inner peace. Like having a strong network of friends and family who support you, a hobby or activity that brings you joy, a job or career that fulfills you and a sense of purpose in your life. But today I want to dive a little deeper and define the 4 most important things a woman needs for her emotional wellbeing, and it’s never too late to get started.

So let’s dive in and take you through the 4 steps, that when you implement into your life, will create a calmer and smoother sail through life, even when you are in the trickiest of waters and the darkest of storms.

With that said, here are 4 things you need to start feeling happy, healthy and accomplished AF! 👊

1. Clarity

This in the most important step. It’s the foundation of which your whole life happiness depends on. If you want emotional wellbeing then you must do the work of this step. You must get clear on who you are, what you stand for and what you want.

In my coaching experience, when you ask a woman what they want, majority of them don’t know. When you don’t know what you want you are setting yourself up for a very tumultuous ride. You will be indecisive about what you want, easily swayed into doing things that lead to no where and you’ll always be wondering why you aren’t happy or satisfied with life. The most dangerous thing you may see yourself do, is become the passenger to someones else life, never truly doing what you want or getting what you want out of this life. Next thing you know you’re left wondering how the hell you got here. To prevent all of this you need to gain clarity. On who you are, what you want and what you stand for. So that you can stand up on your own two feet and shout from the mountain tops, “HEY WORLD, I AM ___(insert name)___ AND I AM BUILDING A LIFE THAT PROVIDES ME WITH ___(what you want)___ AND I STAND FOR ___(insert behaviours or attitudes)___.”

So here it goes:

1. What do you want? (the life goals you have in any area: career, finances, health, relationships…)

2. What do you want to achieve in the getting of what you want? (examples: wealth, happiness, health, freedom…)

3. What are the behaviours & attitudes you will live by so that you know without a doubt you are a good person? This is crucial because when people try to throw you off course with their negative words, you can stand strong knowing that you are a good person, because you actually act on the values you stand for and live in alignment with them.

Defining these 3 things will provide you with the clarity of who you are, what you want and what you stand for. It will guide you to know the moment to moment decisions you need to make and also the leaps of faith you may need to take that seem scary and risky. By defining these 3 things in essence you are creating your own personal “North Star”. Your north star is the ultimate goals/dreams you have for this life, and no matter what life may throw at you, no matter how stormy it may be or how how foggy it gets, you know the direction of your life. And no matter how far off course some experiences will take you, you always know who you are, what you stand for and where you are going. And by continuously getting back on course, you will have a deep understanding and trust that this is your truth because when you’re on course to your north star, no matter how far away it feels, you feel better. Gaining this clarity gives you the foundation of your emotional wellbeing. Because the number one threat of emotional wellbeing is self-doubt and self-doubt comes from uncertainty about oneself. Healing this uncertainty comes from doing the work to gain certainty by defining for yourself who you are, what you want and what you stand for. It is your divine responsibility to take this into your own hands, because if you don’t your external world will sure have a fun time doing it for you…and as you may already know, when the external world takes over defining who you are this can result in more emotional instability that can lead to anger, depression, anxiety, unsettledness, not feeling good in your own skin or just simply discontentment with life. Only you get to define you. And if you’re suffering from what people say about you or think about you, whether true or not, you can take your power back by doing this work and focusing on it each and everyday. When you do, not only will you feel better about yourself, you may even achieve your dreams. Soooooo exciting right? It is!!! Now once you define who you are, what you want and what you stand for, we move to the next thing you must do to support your emotional wellbeing.

2. Courage

Congrats! You completed the first step. The first step is by far the hardest step because you claimed your power in defining who you are and what you want. Now comes in courage. Now that you completed step one, you know who you are and what you want. Now, every single day you have a purpose. Every single day you know the direction you are charting your boat and setting sail for. My biggest piece of advice is to take your time and enjoy the ride. Take small bites each day. Now that you have defined what you want and where you are going, you have direction and purpose. To consistently move in that direction takes courage. It takes courage because life is going to present you with choices that can knock you off course. Every choice you are presented with you need to go back to your map that shows where your north star is and ask yourself, “Is this choice in the highest good of heading towards my north star?”

Sometimes the choice will be a no-brainer, but sometimes you are going to be presented with a decision you need to make that will take you closer to your north star, but that isn’t easy to make. It will take courage. You will have to make some tough choices for the betterment of your life. And it’s all up to you. Where before you had uncertainty and indecisiveness because you didn’t know what you wanted, now you have certainty and purpose, which is what you wanted right? To know your purpose? (hahaha okay, now I’m teasing your). Of course you wanted to know your purpose. And now you must learn to be courageous and make the choices you need to make to head in the direction of your life goals and dreams, and some of these choices are going to be hard. But if you want the emotional wellbeing you desire, then you have to make the choice for your highest good. And you will be rewarded. And if you don’t make the choice for your highest good, purpose, north star, dreams/goals….oh-boys, will your emotional inner guidance system be screaming at you. When you make a decision not on course you’ll feel worse and beat yourself up. If you catch yourself beating yourself up, that’s your sign you made the wrong choice. So please, I dare you, make the scary choice, the hard choice, don’t back down, take the power and glory….go for your dreams. You will always be rewarded and you will add strength to the foundation of your emotional wellbeing that no one can ever take away from you. You are building trust with you. You are building a relationship with you. You are learning to negotiate with yourself to get what you want. You are getting yourself on board to go for it. You are a sales person who is selling herself. The more you take on the challenges and the choices and do what’s right for you and your dreams and goals the easier these choices are to make. The more you make the courageous move, the more excited you will get about your life and the more your confidence will grow and the more energy you will have for your family and friends and life. Now that you have clarity, and now that you’ve learned to be the courageous and fearless leader of your life, the next thing you need to continue building your emotional wellbeing is….

3. Compassion

Okay, so you gained the clarity, you are taking all the scary steps and fearlessly developing your courage and now simultaneously you need to develop your self-compassion. You need to feel for yourself. You need to learn to provide yourself with forgiveness when you make the wrong choices, and the positive self-talk to keep yourself on track. As you take this journey you will learn to love yourself because even when you fail you will be so proud of yourself for trying. By taking this journey you choose yourself, your goals and your dreams. That’s powerful stuff, but you also must accept it’s a bumpy road. So when you hit the bumps or fall off track, don’t beat yourself up! Stop and ask yourself, “How can I help myself here?”. Stop in your tracks, pull out the map, and be like,

“Hey Self, I know your doing the best you can, and I’m so proud of you for starting this journey and look how far you’ve come, but we are definitely off course, and that’s okay, but maybe tomorrow when we can wake up and do x, y or z, and we can get back on track and by getting back on track life will just feel so much better, and feeling better is what we want, so let’s do that….we’ll start tomorrow, but know, you’re a rock star, and I’m so proud of you.”

Just like building courage is a conversation with self, so is having compassion for yourself. Having these conversations with yourself helps you to get honest with yourself and build a trusting relationship with yourself. When you build this type of relationship with yourself, you are building a rock-solid foundation for emotional wellbeing.

4. Creating & Committing to Your Personal Code

As you progress on this journey you are going to discover new things or choices or actions or behaviours that you will find enjoyable and will also catapult you in the direction of your goals/dreams. When you find these things they will become part of your personal lifestyle code. Knowing and having this code is so crucial to your emotional wellbeing because when you stick to this code even through your hardest life moments, it will keep you connected to yourself and what’s truly important to you. In these dark times you may not be actively following your path because it’s been put on hold, and that’s okay, life happens. The important part is the clouds will eventually part and you will come out of the storm and when you do you’ll still be intact and not have lost yourself or any ground. You may not have gained ground but you haven’t lost any. As you begin taking these steps, you may already know some activities or thoughts that provide you with relief, joy or good feelings. Add them to your code now.

When you, or a person, are in the stages before you’ve gained the clarity around who you are and what you want, most times when you go through hard times you’re likely to let the things go that make you feel good and provide you with emotional wellbeing. Maybe you go for walks, and walking makes you feel good, but then you get in a fight with a friend and you feel sad so you will skip your walk and lay in bed and be sad instead. This is only one example of the tendencies of someone who doesn’t have strong emotional wellbeing and who doesn’t have clarity in her life. As you go through this process, you’ll understand and commit to your personal code because you know it allows you to feel the best you can despite your circumstances. Creating and committing to this code provides you with the emotional stability and wellbeing you need when life turns upside down. No matter how hard life gets, you still go through the motions of your lifestyle code because it’s the thread that keeps you connected to your true self and gives meaning to your life.

In times, when you don’t have the capacity to follow your purpose or head in the direction of your north star, your code will give you the emotional wellbeing you need as you ride out the tough times. Life, sometimes, will inevitably press pause but it doesn’t mean we give-up and stop doing all the things that give us purpose and meaning in our daily lives. These very things are the life-saving buoys we have to keep us afloat in times we feel we could sink. Creating this personal lifestyle code is key as you go through the process of these steps. And even before you start with clarity, you can grab a piece of paper and write down some things that you know help you through tough times. Maybe it’s staying connected with friends, maybe it’s getting daily fresh air, or walking the dog. Maybe it’s only allowing positive self-talk. Whatever it is, add them to your code now. As you go through the process, more of your code will be revealed to you.

Before you know it you’ll have a life that provides emotional wellbeing because you’ll be confident in who you are, what you want, where you’re going and what you stand for. And not only that, and that’s powerful stuff! You’ll know what it takes to get through the toughest of times intact, still connected to yourself and your purpose. This will prevent you from falling into states of anger, depression and anxiety because you’ll be connected to yourself, your truth and trust in the path of your life, even in the most difficult times. And that is emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to work on this more, join my private facebook group “Tina Haskim Coaching” and get more tips and insights into building the emotional wellbeing you want & need so you can achieve your life goals.